the work we choose

My mother told me the other day that I am the happiest she has ever seen me. I think I would have to agree.

I was pretty happy when I got married, too. I feel like this is an extension of that happiness, the natural progression and growth of that experience.

This is not to say that motherhood is easy. Far from it! And this is not to say that everything in my life has suddenly fallen into line, I have no more issues to work through. (An even more emphatic "Far from it!")

But I've been thinking about it, and I think there's a difference between "difficult" and "challenging." Motherhood is challenging, the most challenging thing I have ever done. IF was difficult. But there was no enjoyment to IF, while Motherhood is full of joy.

I have never been ambitiously driven in my career. I set milestones to reach, and acheive them. I have a degree in Art, a former career in Web Design, a second degree in Interior Design, and a second career in Kitchen and Bath Design. I worked hard last year to become certified through the NKBA. But I have never felt the need to be the best in my field, to work hard to gain recognition from my peers in the industry. I am happy finding a simple job somewhere and doing it well, working for a company I like and gaining the respect of my coworkers and employers. I have a strong work ethic, but I work to live. My priorities are Family and Friends, time for myself, enjoying life. Life is too short to do a job that makes me miserable, so I find work that I enjoy, but it is still work and it's there to support my lifestyle.

Now my lifestyle has changed, and work doesn't really support it anymore. I have a child, and I have discovered that I am driven like never before to succeed at this. Not to be the Best Mom Ever, or the Perfect Mom, but to do the best job I can and enjoy as much of this as is possible.

When we were still TTC I was drawn to the song "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" by Colin Hay. I felt it described perfectly the day-to-day waiting of trying to grow my family. Now I'm on the other side, and I still feel that it was accurate. I was waiting, and this is my "real life." This is what it's all about, this is what I want to do.

I will always be a creative person. And I don't want to always be an at-home mome. I love kitchen design, and see myself doing that as my career for the rest of my working life. But I feel it's time for a haitus. I can't return to the office, leaving my son with someone else for the day. I can't pay someone else to do what I consider to be my job. Some women are called to provide for their families and children by working, it makes them better mothers and the family is better for it. But I feel called to provide for my family by being there for my child. This is the most important work I have ever done.