karate vs. judo

Someone gave me a good analogy today for dealing with difficult people. Karate vs. Judo.

In Karate, force is used to acheive a goal. When you are attacked, you respond with force. If something is in your way, you use force to get to it. Like breaking a stack of boards, or a brick. The person using Karate will invision his goal on the other side of the brick, and strike through the brick to get to it by force.

Judo is different. Force is not used. In Judo, when attacked, you watch your opponent and find a way to deflect the energy away from you. As a result, your opponent wears himself out attacking, running around you, flipping and moving, and someone who's good at Judo barely moves at all. The opponent gets tired, and you stay calm.

With some of the difficult people in my life, I find myself trying to respond to force with force. Attack and counterattack. I end up just as exhausted by this as my "opponent" is, and no one wins. (I'm not saying that Karate is like this - it is only an analogy after all.)

I have no spare energy these days. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, due any minute, and my life is only going to get busier and I'm only going to get more tired. I want to adopt the Judo approach. Deflect. Let the other person wear him/herself out, running around in circles and trying to force change or action. I can avoid the brunt of the attack without actually having to exert myself too much, physically or emotionally.

I've used a variation of this theme in the past. I call it the Wonder Woman approach. I imagine myself wearing those magic bracelets of hers, and when someone lobs a barb at me, *ping!* deflection! But it is still an aggressive role, it takes energy to be Wonder Woman. The underpants help.

But if I can learn this Judo-esque technique for dealing, I think I might be a happier person. My life can stop being about that other person and what s/he thinks of me. I can stop trying to force change in my "opponent."

It sounds peaceful.